What I Thought I was Losing, But Really Found

There is simply no way to capture all the goodness and fullness of life from this week in a single post. There’s a joy that comes from walking in the will of the Lord that cannot be compared, and leads to so much freedom and life change.

From the moment I first arrived, the sense of peace was overwhelming. Everyone that I had known from group chats and instagram was suddenly a real person living in the tent right next to me. All of my life, I struggled to find friends who carried the same fire and love for both the Lord and each other that I did. The community of Gap W is unlike anything I have ever experienced. From the second we met, everyone has been so welcoming and inviting. Everyone is available for advice, prayer, walks or just to fellowship together. It’s an intentional kind of love, where people seek you out and want to know and love you. The heart this team has to know the Lord is unmatched. Every person is hungry for the Lord and to walk in their calling, and the fellowship I have experienced is a type of love I have never known. This week I’ve been prayed over powerfully, encouraged and celebrated for who I am, held through tears, and included and seen in ways I didn’t know possible. From bible studies, to group games, to prayer sessions to swing dancing as a celebration of sabbath, this community is truly a family. I’ve seen time and time again the community gathering together to pray over someone or to intercede on someone else’s behalf. Everyone already feels like family.

Living outdoors has already become such a joyful and normal rhythm of life. My tent is my quiet sanctuary to rest before the crazy, joy-filled days of training camp. Walking everywhere and spending my days outdoors is so refreshing and has shown me the beauty of creation in new ways. Bucket showers in the dark bring a new type of fun and laughter as we sing together and shriek from the refreshing cold of the water. My feet are consistently dirty no matter what I do, and I’ve resorted to being barefoot as much as I can. Handwashing clothes feels so natural and is such a relaxing social activity, even if my clothes are never quite as clean as I wish. This place has quickly become a home away from home, and the pace of life is so refreshing.

The spirtitual freedom I have experienced this week is a level of growth that I haven’t experienced in years. Lies that I believed for years have been broken in Jesus name. I hunger for the word and to spend time with my father. So many have come to know the Lord, or have chosen to walk into deeper fullness of life. The sessions are challenging and growing yet so powerful and so full of truth. We’ve seen physical miracles happen before our eyes, and it’s only brought us closer to one another and to Jesus. He is so good, and has provided and will only continue to provide.

There are hard parts no doubt. Sometimes I long to be clean for longer than ten minutes or miss my bed. My tent is constantly full of leaves and mess from my shoes, and my socks never seem to get clean, no matter how much scrubbing I put into it.

But the joy, freedom, community, and love I have experienced make it all worth it. These feelings pass so quickly in light of all that I have learned and seen. If my family were to see me even today, they would be shocked at how much I’ve already grown. Because that’s the goodness of the Lord. He’s always making us new creation in his timing.

My friend Anna and I were talking about the symbolism of this trip being nine months. In nine months, a child can be created. From nothing but cells the Lord bring joy, purpose, intention, and love into his creation. And that’s what he has for us over the next nine months. To be renewed and become a new creation through his power. This is so clearly where the Lord wants me, and he’s already doing incredible things in and through not only me, but my team. I don’t know where else this trip will lead, but all I know is the Lord here and working in this journey.