Oceans

My entire life, the Lord has been preparing me for this race. Things that I didn’t dream of using, he had a plan for all along.

It wasn’t a coincidence that I ended up in a middle school spanish class and fell in love with it enough to take through high school.

It wasn’t by accident that I worked at summer camp, learning all sorts of group games and songs and strategies for best serving kids.

It wasn’t just luck that I always had a love and gift for teaching, or that I desired to spend my days sharing the love of Jesus with kids.

It wasn’t by coincidence that I was born in South Florida during a hurricane.

My entire life, God was already making ways to open doors that I hadn’t even knocked on.

Every saturday night, we have a time of teaching and worship as a squad. It’s a way to recenter our focus and praise the Lord for his goodness before entering the sabbath.

Recently, we sang the song “Oceans” by Hillsong, a classic Christian favorite. I’ve sang this song countless times throughout my life and it’s always been a favorite.

As I closed my eyes in adoration of the Lord, he took me back to all the times that I had sang this song before: at youth retreats, church camps, worship nights, in my room, in the car, on my knees, hands raised. All those times I sang this song in adoration, asking the Lord to take me deeper and deeper into my faith, barely comprehending the gravity of that kind of prayer. No matter where I was, I was in a pure adoration of the Lord and his character, and my desire was to know him more than was possible with the weakness of my flesh.

The Lord saw my heart to know him more, despite my lack of years or deep theological knowledge. I didn’t even fully understand what I was doing or what I was praying for, I just saw his face and knew that I needed more.

And here I am, 19 years later, living in Guatemala, telling kids about Jesus. I speak the Spanish I learned in school every day, translating for my team, building relationships, praying for people, and sharing the gospel. I use games I learned at camp with the kids, and lessons from my peer leadership class. I teach them dances from my musical theater days and tell them bible stories I learned from Vacation Bible School and Children’s Church. I’ve even met a handful of people from the city I was born in in South Florida and have been able to share the gospel through the door that conversation opened. Seemingly random or obscure parts of my testimony have sparked conversations or provided shared experience for dozens of people. None of it was random. None of it was in vain. All the moments, even the hard ones God used for his glory.

All those random interests I had, seeming coincidental interactions and experiences, and things that I was learning were shaping me and preparing my heart for what was to come. After years of growing pains and self discovery, I now get to see all that the Lord has brought me through and the ways that he made me ready for the future that was ahead. I had no idea what was ahead, while God had a plan all along. All those nights I spent worried about the future, anxious and confused, God was already there and preparing my heart and making a way for me.

He saw the heart of a little girl among millions and saw someone worth saving. He worked things out to bless me and radically transform
me throughout my life that I may be used a vessel of his love because of the love that I have been given.

He loved me enough to give me a unique story with specific details that he knew would be edifying to the way that he created me, but also to the people that I would encounter, so that they may see more of his character and experience more of his love.

I can’t begin to fathom the kind of love that would write such a beautiful story filled with joy, love, redemption and grace upon grace. It’s a love that’s evident in the sunrises and sunsets, every conversation, every tear, every friendship, every beautiful view or good cup of chai. It’s so personal, so intentional, so perfect. It’s what our hearts desire, to be with our good and perfect father.

Self hatred is something I held tightly to, telling myself all the ways that I am unworthy of love and will never be good enough. But the Lord in his kindness has spoken my true identity over me all the days of my life. My eyes have been opened to the father’s love more and more each day. It’s transformed my my view of myself and my life. My prayer for you all is that you would know today how deep the father’s love is for you. Because knowing you are his beloved changes everything.