From Now to Eternity

Another week, another display of the Lord’s faithfulness!

I had an incredible week with the boys in the mountains. We moved over 45,000 pounds of dirt to allow the ministry to expand and create better facilities for the hosts! In the blaring sun and the intense labor, I was filled with abundant joy and had many fruitful conversations as we worked.

The ministry is also a children’s home, with thirteen beautiful children that I quickly fell in love with. Days were spent digging, playing uno and go fish, watching movies and playing just dance. The children were the most respectful and hardworking bunch I had ever encountered, a group so grateful for the love and opportunity they had been given. Between the picturesque landscape, sweet young friends, rewarding labor, and delicious food, I was thriving in every way.

A little over halfway into the week, I received news that after hearing a word from the Lord, I would be switching locations with my co-leader caleigh. This left me two more days in the mountains before transitioning to leading 15 girls in the city.

Upon hearing the news, I was heartbroken. I adored my ministry and the life I had in Chiang Dao. Things felt like they were just ramping up, and I was being yanked out of my favorite place. I was once again wrestling with the Lord, making my heart and actions obedient with the words he spoke, even though I did not agree.

After teary goodbyes and a two hour bus ride, I ended up in Chiang Mai, my new home for the next few weeks. The first days were hard, as I wrestled with my value as a leader and if my efforts were successful. But the Lord met me as he always does, and helped me to see him in everything. I spent the first few ways with the Whispering Willows, a team working with marginalized women. I adored this ministry and was excited to jump in. I also got the opportunity to visit Connie’s House, a christian orphanage, where I loved on the kids and spent time with the owner Connie. I loved my time with the girls and saw his hand in all of it! His thoughts are always higher, his ways are always better!

Now I’m in my leadership debrief, a time for leaders to process the trip and refocus our hearts before we debrief the squad on their experience. This time has been so restful and needed! I cannot wait to celebrate what God has done over the next couple of days and to commission this group to go forth and bring the gospel to the ends of the earth!


Personal Reflections

Squad leading is hard to define. Even from program to program and squad to squad, the role looks drastically different.

This week it looked like switching from the mountains with men to the city with fifteen girls.

This week it looked like four hospital visits for varying illnesses among racers. I advocated for their health and answered questions as they arose, spending time in the word while I waited.

It looked like hours of journal making and organizing for a ministry with marginalized women. A few of my racers and I led worship and shared testimonies at a church in the Red Light District.

It looked like late nights spent coding receipts and filling out incident reports. Navigating our taxi driver through flooded streets and coming back to a flooded hostel.

It looked like early morning meetings with a new friend, discussing anything from politics to theology, and everything in between.

It looked like nights spent in tears and frustration over my weakness and shortcomings.

It looked like nights spent laughing till my sides hurt and days spent beaming with pride as I watched my teams in action.

This experience has been a continuous journey of surrender. Of learning to embrace things for what they are, not what I wish they were or think they should be. It’s been learning to extend grace to myself when my best looks different or is that as good as what I think it should be.

The older I get, the more I understand that this is just life with Jesus. While I’m continually being sanctified and become more like him every day, I will always be unfinished. There will be times when the words from my mouth reflect a part of my heart that is not in line with heaven. There will be times when I can’t look outside of myself to prioritize the needs of others. There will be times where I fail miserably and often. I will always need the grace and love of a savior. It will never be perfect, I will never arrive. I’m realizing that the Lord has been shifting my perspective from striving for unattainable perfection as a means of self preservation and justification. He wants me to instead look at him and reflect what I see. Not in the ways I think I should or feel like I have to. Just in the ways he’s made me with the grace he’s given me. Knowing Jesus and discovering new parts of his heart is the prize. That’s my reward and what I should strive for, not becoming so perfect that I don’t need him anymore. I never want to be in a place where I’m numb to what the cross of calvary did for me, where I’m so confident in myself that my need for Christ is solely for morality.

Knowing him is my reward. I want to know him more with every passing moment, from now until eternity.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Prayer Requests

~ A fresh wind for these final days with the squad

~ Health emotional processing as the squad begins to debrief their experiences

~ Healing over bodies for the injured and sick on our team and for a few who have loved ones at home battling illness.

~ Safe Travels back to the US on the 30th!